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Dating After Divorce Is Nothing To Feel Guilty About

Divorce from a partner that you once believed would be with you forever is not easy. First, you endure the heartbreak of knowing that you will have to face life without this person—which you may find to be good or bad. Second, if you have children, you will have to deal with any consequences of the divorce that your children might be facing.

It’s an uphill battle, but like anything else, it too shall pass. Soon, you will find yourself back in the driver’s seat of life, ready to face your future with someone new. When this happens, you must fight any urge that might bubble up within you to feel any sort of guilt about your decision to move on with your life. The time will come when you will crave the attention and affection of someone else, and when this happens, don’t become your own worst enemy.

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Before you date, simply wait

In many separations, your emotions will have checked out long before the divorce papers are even signed. The passion that you once felt for your partner will die, and when this happens, you may find yourself curious about those dating apps that everyone else seems to swear by.

The best thing to do in a situation such as this is to simply hold your urge to actively find someone new until you have finalized your divorce. You don’t want to confuse things by involving another person into your ball of wax until you can stand on your own feet as a single woman.

Not only is it unfair to the other person when you begin dating them while still legally married, but you also stand the chance of having your new relationship affected by the one in which you are still involved. Hold off on seeking a new love until you put a period behind your old one.

Don’t be afraid to jump

You may feel a bit rusty at first, but in time you will see that dating is like riding a bike…some things you never forget. Explain to your new interest that you are recently divorced and that you will need some time to get comfortable with them.

Although you may feel eager to get a new lover, you will still need to be fair to yourself. You have been in a relationship with someone for years, which is why you must give yourself time to heal any old wounds within you.

Additionally, take courageous steps in doing what is necessary to meet people that you might be interested in. Don’t be afraid to go to fun places that will have interesting people that you can meet and find fascinating. You will never meet anyone new if you’re afraid to go out and discover new people.

Stop blaming your kids

It sounds very noble when you tell people that you don’t want to date because you worry about how it will impact your children. Although you want to maintain open lines of communication with your children about your desire to meet new people, you can’t allow your children to dictate your need to move on with your life. One day your kids will be off to college and they will leave your lovely nest.

As your kids eventually move on with their lives, you will need to do everything possible to ensure that you are slowly growing into a life that makes you happy. If your kids have a problem with your dating another person, simply sit them down and explain to them the importance of you having a fulfilled life that satisfies you. In the end, it’s still your life to live. Make the best of it.

Don’t be afraid to be alone, if need be

If you decide that you need a break from relationships, don’t be afraid to take it. There is nothing wrong with your taking the time necessary to regain a sense of self. It may be time for you to relearn all of the things that make you feel good about yourself. Take some time to begin the process of getting to know you again. If you aren’t happy with yourself, you won’t be happy with anyone new.

Look at your divorce as an opportunity to begin a new life filled with new people. You may not realize this, but you have changed both inside and out. It’s time to get to know the new you. Finding a new partner is something that can be exciting and refreshing, which is why you shouldn’t feel bad about your decision to explore the new you and all that comes with life after divorce. It’s your life…it’s time to finally live it.

 

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About Audra L.

Audra L. is an author, columnist and community activist who's dedicated to finding truth through research and effective communication. She received her degree in Public Policy and teaches Community Development, Public Speaking and Communications Law to youth throughout the nation. She is the recipient of over 23 awards and honors for her commitment to community outreach initiatives.

One comment

  1. Norman Hinderliter

    IN HEALTHY families, all of this is good information.

    However,

    This article makes no effort to address the question of when a soon-to-be-single parent bad-mouths the opposite sex, making children feel inferior, over factors which they cannot control.

    No, this article is FAR from “perfect”.

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