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Husband Slammed for Moving Girlfriend into Home while Wife Struggles with Alzheimer’s Disease

Smith, 69, is a home designer and restaurateur who was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s in 2014. She has been married to her husband, Dan Gasby, 64, since 1992 and he has been well supported by the prosperity of Smith’s business ventures over the years.

Recently, Gasby shared his personal story of living with B. Smith while she struggles with Alzheimer’s’ with The Washington Post.

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His story is not unusual and it did not surprise anyone to see that he had a rough time tending to all of the former star’s needs. The thing that did set social media on fire was his admittance to moving his girlfriend into their home for companionship.

“I love my wife, but I can’t let her take away my life!” Gasby boldly wrote on his wife’s Facebook account. Needless to say, both Facebook and The Washington Post saw their fair share of angry people who were appalled at Gasby and his decision to move another woman into their home while his wife suffered from a disease.

The subject of whether or not a spouse should date while still married to their partner, especially if their partner is suffering from a disease, is an issue that isn’t easily solved. It is wrought with emotion on both sides of the fence and it can’t be contained with mere logic and sensibility.

‘til death do us part

Most of the angry comments from individuals stated that Gasby should be ashamed of dating while his wife suffers. They also comment on his decision to move his girlfriend into the home of the couple, right under his wife’s nose. It is believed that he took full advantage of the fact that B. Smith was not in her right mind when he moved his girlfriend into their home and assisted in the establishment of a female bond between the two women.

B. Smith is under the impression that the woman is her friend and is in the home to serve as an assistant to her in some way. One can only ponder as to whether Gasby was a true con artist for fooling his wife into believing that his girlfriend was truly a friend of hers. Gasby has attempted to explain himself on multiple occasions to no avail. Women, in particular, have seemingly taken this personal and are in no way bowing down to his desire to be understood. Gasby has been called everything from ‘selfish’ to an ‘ass,’ and it doesn’t stop there.

“You don’t bring your mistress in the house where your WIFE lives. She’s not dead,” one social media user wrote on Facebook. “This is really selfish. There are plenty of women who have taken care of their husbands as they have become paralyzed, had a stroke, had Alzheimer’s, and never was it cool for them to take a man and move him into their home so they could be happy with the rest of their lives,” stated another social media user.

The argument on whether a man has the right to decide the fate of his future if his wife suffers with an inability to be an equal partner is a very real one that isn’t easily solved. On the one hand, you have a human being who has a dire need for companionship and assistance with their current spouse. On the other hand, however, you have a person who feels they have the right to be happy regardless of their spouse’s situation.

In the end, you must wonder if the decision of what’s right and wrong falls into the hand of the person making that decision, rather than the observers. It’s just too bad that the person suffering has to feel the kick of such a decision in the end.

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About Audra L.

Audra L. is an author, columnist and community activist who's dedicated to finding truth through research and effective communication. She received her degree in Public Policy and teaches Community Development, Public Speaking and Communications Law to youth throughout the nation. She is the recipient of over 23 awards and honors for her commitment to community outreach initiatives.

10 comments

  1. This sort of moral relativism is appalling. The husband is a disloyal scumbag, no ifs, no buts, and there is nothing relative about it.

  2. If your family has had a member with Alzheimer’s you have learned a lot more about the day to day life of a caretaker. This couple was married for 26 years, and she has been diagnosed with Alzheimer’s 5 years ago in 2014. The sick wife has no problem with this lady living in her home. The Alzheimer’s seems to be advancing rapidly, although 4 years is a very short time. My dad had problems that we recognized was dementia when he could not handle his finances any longer. About 5 years later
    We were still lucky, He ate, sat and let the conversation flow around him, but wandering and cleanliness became a problem. The depends and showers were too much for my stepmother(80), I was still working and my wife had COPD and a heart condition. He then was put in a home where Mom had an apartment and could see him every day, but not handle the physical problems. Til death do us part is fine, but Alzheimer’s takes away the person you love, and never returns them. This man seems selfish to me too, but we all need to realize this is a horrible disease, and tortures the caregiver and the patient together.

  3. Isn’t easily solved?! Rubbish. I was married to my wife for almost 54 years before she went to heaven last May. I had “lost” her to dementia several years before and I became her caregiver. She was my partner. Having another woman in the home my wife had created over our marriage was unthinkable. Did I become lonely at times? Yes. But we had pledged “for better or worse, in good times and bad.” He made a selfish decision.

  4. I think anyone who judges this family has set an unpleasant destiny for themselves, as you judge so shall you be judged.

  5. Those who have The Spirit Of God and who truly seek after Him with a whole heart know right from wrong. The Spirit of God is the discerner of all truth. This gentleman knows in his heart what his true motives are and only God will judge all of our actions. This includes every word we speak and every intention of our heart. “God is not mocked,a person will truly reap what they sow.
    Blessed be our Lord and Savior!!
    He is coming soon!!

  6. In her illness her needs are now different and it seems that Dan is providing for those needs while filling the gaps that she no longer can. I would not want my spouse to be totally imprisoned by my illness and we must accept his word that B. Smith felt the same when she was still capable of making such a reflection.

  7. Is the girlfriend going to help the couples in every way to make the life worth while? If yes, then I really don’t see any problem with that.

  8. She is lucky to have him still taking care of her. In today’s society the high cost of medical care becomes a serious issue. After 5 years of slowly seeing his wife disappear into somebody who no longer has capacity to be a wife, the medical expense becomes a component. The girlfriend is helping him get relief from some of the daily care. Should he drain his nest egg on outside or residential care? There is no positive feedback for him to continue to take care of her. I’ve known several people who divorce mates in this situation so they can get out of the financial requirements. I think this is a best situation for everyone. She has a new friend, the girlfriend helps with care, he can have some have some supportive comfort himself. If you’ve ever taken care of someone with alzheimers don’t put your personal values on someone else until you’ve walked in their shoes.

  9. I saw the program on tv. Although his wife lived there, it wasn’t the home they put together earlier. He bought thie place recently after her disease had progressed already. Altzheimers is g nerally more difficult than simple dementia. There are often behavior problems and sometimes mood changes which are difficult. The person who wakes in the morning isn’t the one who yelled all evening and night long. They will wander off and get lost in and out of the house. It is a very difficult disease even while in hospital with multiple staff available to help care for the person. One guy at home (or woman for a man with it) is not enough. It is very difficult. He said the newer woman stays iver maybe twice a week. My view is this: if it were my mom I wouldn’t like it but it is for them to deal with and live with and handle. Walk a mile in his shoes before you dare to judge these folks.

  10. I have nothing but respect for Dan Gasby & Alex Lerner. I believe that a higher power has put these three people together to turn a sad situation into a positive situation. Dan has a right to live a happy fulfilled life while being there for B. Smith taking very good care for his wife that appears to be very happy. Alex Learner is a blessing in disguise, she has become a family member into Dan Gasby & B. Smith’s new journey. Alzheimer’s is a horrible disease that has taken away the person B. Smith once was. Why not have three beautiful people live happily ever after then three people being alone in this world. Why so much hate and judgmental remarks. It’s not your life and if it was, do you know how you would turn a negative situation into a positive situation? For the others that have had a husband or wife with this disease and are comparing their situations and slamming Dan Gasby you need to keep your comments to yourself. What worked for your situation may not work for someone else’s. I think people with negative comments are not happy in their own life and want others to join their misery. God Bless for making the best out of a sad situation.

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