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People Now Want Santa To Be Gender-Neutral

Christmas is the prime season for journalists, bloggers, and writers because it lends itself to so… much… fantastic…material.

The Christmas season dredges up a plethora of hard-hitting topics that go right to the heart of the human condition – themes ranging from tumultuous family dynamics, to love and gratitude, to depression and isolation. (Which are all ACTUAL issues that SHOULD BE addressed this time of year.)

For example, the fact that suicide rates go up exponentially between Thanksgiving and New Years is a statistic alone that deserves tons of publicity and coverage.

And yet, most people decide to focus their attention on inconsequential crap like Starbucks cups and offensive song lyrics and whether saying “Happy Holidays” is an insult to Jesus.

And now, writers and journalists everywhere are salivating over the most frequent “Christmas Controversy” in which people are lobbying for a gender-neutral Santa because… OF COURSE, THEY ARE.

Why worry about kids so poor they’ve never even SEEN a Santa Clause when we can focus on more pertinent issues like what Santa’s hiding beneath those sexy velour trousers?

A large part of me didn’t even want to write this piece because it further gives credence to an issue that’s clearly a non-issue, but it makes me so mad, I just HAD to.

I wish I didn’t have to state the most obvious problem with this argument, but Santa Clause isn’t real. (Sorry, If I had to be the one to break the news to you, but you had to find out sometime, so there ya go.) The dude’s not real; he’s a myth – like a unicorn or the Easter Bunny or a morally-sound divorce lawyer. So essentially, we’re arguing about the gender of an idea or symbol.

It’s enough confusion and responsibility to explain to a five-year-old that one guy has the ability to appear at eight malls in the same hour and fly around the world bringing toys to kids in one night. THEN, a few years later, we have to stomp all over their hopes and dreams by saying we actually made the whole thing up. NOW, we’re supposed to explain gender neutrality on top of this already-escalated shit-show?

NEWSFLASH: your kid wouldn’t care if Santa showed up wearing nothing but a speedo and sombrero with long, braided hair, so long as he/she/it came with that Tonka Trunk they had asked for.

As a final note, if we’re going to collectively decide as a society to be offended by how Santa Clause is portrayed, maybe focus on that whole “encouraging-your-little-kid-to-unquestionably-sit-on-a-complete-strangers-lap” part.

Because I’m pretty sure if there is any lesson to teach our kids in this whole “Santa facade” it’s that it is actually totally normal NOT to want to sit on a strange man’s lap.

Just sayin’

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About Mcclain W.

17 comments

  1. Santa Claus is based on a real person, a MAN. Christ was a Real Man. If people can not accept the Reality of the History of the Christmas and celebrate accordingly then maybe they need to eliminate the Holiday from Their calendar and let the rest of us celebrate in Peace! & yes it is December & “Baby it’s cold outside”

    • ha ha! it is not based on jesus. but it is based on a real person named st nicholas who was an early xtian bishop.

    • Linda, if you have to talk about the real man that was “Santa” and a man, then why do you not put it into your comment, so people cannot call you a little looney. What fed and started the mystery of Santa Claus was the greed of merchants and morons that wanted to make money around this time and also did not want to give credence to scripture that actually details why Christmas came into being. Yes “santa” was a real man. He was a European Bishop that went around and gave out food and gifts to needy children and people around the time of December (actually he did this all throughout the year). His Name was Nikolaus and he became a saint and therefore he was called St. Nikolaus (and still is in germany and his holiday is December 6, where children get gifts and sweets etc put into their stocking). then St. Nick became Santa and so on and the myth of Santa Claus was born and elaborated on more and more each year. And very soon the true Christmas story was pushed into the background and this mythical person became real to many, many children AND adults. Why? lol Well, it made it much easier to sell things and to have this fantasy appear in the malls etc. and make movies etc. and just ask for gifts, when the real reason for this holiday was NEVER giving gifts to the excess. The very sad thing is that the US is one of the biggest countries where this lie is so prevalent that many people actually have no idea what Christmas is, what it represents etc. And I also have a feeling that YOU have no real idea what this is and was all about. And I would also be that the idiots that are calling for gender equality or non-gender santa clauses have no damn idea who and what this is all about in the first place.

      • My point was Santa Claus was a real man. And Jesus Christ was a Real Man. Two people that are used in Christmas celebrations. Christ is who We Christians celebrate, at Christmas. Santa Claus was a real man who gave to the poor rhrough his Christian Ministry. History is lost on non-Christians, who continue to distort Christmas celebrations, by removing the reasons we celebrate-The Birth of our Savior Jesus Christ. Gender neutral Christmas is wrong, as Christ was a Man & “Santa Claus” aka St. Nicolaus was a Man. History!!!

      • So true and well said!

    • And yet another pointless, obscene, and very lame attempt at humor by someone who can’t even spell, much less write. Hey genius; It’s Santa Claus, not Santa Clause, and I believe it’s a Tonka Truck (not a Trunk).

    • We need to go back to the basics. There is no female or gay Santa Clause. Is time to stop those that are trying to impose on us a change on the Christmas celebration because they are offended. There is only two genders, male and female. The others are stupid confused people that don’t deserve attention

  2. Totally sick and sad at the same time! If you think about it, that means all dolls can’t be one or the other as well. (I wouldn’t doubt if some dolls are already made to look gender neutral)

    I agree. Let’s just have those that don’t agree in it all to JUST DON’T DO IT !

  3. Don’t like the American tradition of CHRISTMAS? Too bad, go back where you came from, or crawl back under your rock … HO HO HO…. !!!🎄🎁🎅🏻

  4. “For example, the fact that suicide rates go up exponentially between Thanksgiving and New Years is a statistic alone that deserves tons of publicity and coverage.”

    Hmm, no, it doesn’t, because it’s a myth. Suicide rates are actually at their LOWEST around the holidays, possibly because people are around their families and friends more and either don’t feel as lonely or literally don’t have the opportunity to attempt or complete suicide.

    https://www.cdc.gov/violenceprevention/suicide/holiday.html

    All that said, I agree with your points about Santa. I’m just a therapist so I feel it is my duty to clarify suicide facts and myths.

  5. It gets harder and harder to read these articles and believe that these individuals are conservative. The Starbucks coffee cup issue, Happy Holidays vs. Merry Christmas and the the attacks on Christmas songs are just some of the issues that are part of the BIG Objective of the Left. Start with an inch and see how many miles we can get from the non-fighting Right. This is what happened with the same sex marriage issue, our educational system and now the illegal alien invasion that we are fighting today. Now I can read a foul mouth individual tell me that I should not be concerned that we are going to neuter Santa to keep a bunch of PC loonies happy.

  6. i’m glad ur not 1 of the nutcases that believes that happy holidays is an attack on xmas, started by a nutcase named bill o’reilly. there r much more important things to worry about in our world.

  7. I have never heard of this before now … I know that I got a lot of heat from my family when i wanted to tell my six-year-old niece that there was no such thing as Santa Claus. But I had heard that the real Santa Claus is based on a real man, Saint Nicholas. If I had known the true story, perhaps I could have explained where the concept of Santa Claus comes from. As a side note, why use profanity? The message could have been conveyed without the foul language as far I can see.

  8. This article missed the whole point of the controversy. Either we understand that the universe operates on gender on we don’t. The Universe is patriarchal as is every organizational structure that exists. When the male influence is removed structure collapses and chaos ensues. That’s how all civilizations end.

    The fact that MCClAINW couldn’t write this article without resorting to profanity evidences this lack of ethical structure.

  9. NO, PEOPLE DON’T want a gender neutral Santa. SJW idiots do.

  10. One cannot have its ‘gender neutrality’ and its ‘me too’ movement too. If there were such thing as gender neutrality then one cannot make the argument that one gender is attacking the other; or, for that matter, that one gender is showing undue interest in the other when gender is irrelevant or non-existent. Either it has two genders, and for the purpose of accusation and litigation that matters, or it doesn’t. All else is confusion symptomatic of the deterioration of human DNA.

  11. OMG! What is wrong with the people who start this CRAP?? They must be pretty MISERABLE with THEMSELVES!!

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