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How Kavanaugh’s Nomination Can Help Us Become Better Parents

Over the weekend, Brett Kavanaugh was sworn in as an associate justice of the United States Supreme Court. My feelings regarding his nomination were conflicting and juxtaposing.

As a conservative, I feel reassured knowing that the inherent values I and my peers deem important regarding this country’s social, political, and economic issues will be viewed under a careful and rational lens.

As a woman, I’m livid that once again a woman coming forward with sexual allegations has been rendered a “political conspiracy”.

Whenever any man in power or status is accused of sexual harassment or assault — regardless of which side of the political aisle they reside or how popular/lovable he is — it seems to be much easier for us to believe that a woman has an ulterior motive.

Is Kavanaugh guilty of the accusations he has been implicated of? I don’t know. And you don’t either. And we’ll probably never know, which should bother you because you should WANT to know. Every American should WANT to know the truth as to whether a sitting judge of our highest court is guilty of hurting, degrading, and vilifying women.

I understand it’s harder for us to believe people that we like are capable of such things, but I assure you, liking someone hasn’t stopped men from pushing sexual boundaries. In fact, the majority of women are molested, raped, and sexually abused by men they know and trust.

If you have to question if THAT is true, then you clearly haven’t been paying attention. Let me repeat that. THE MAJORITY OF CASES OF SEXUAL ABUSE HAS OCCURRED WITH MEN THAT GIRLS AND WOMEN LIKED, TRUSTED, AND WERE CLOSE TO. That means that the rest of the community probably trusted and liked and respected these men. Otherwise, they would never have been in the position to do what they did in the first place.

So, regardless of your political position, my hope is that anybody reading this understands how awful sexual harassment and abuse are and as such would do everything they could to prevent it from occurring. So, here is my message to parents. We need to raise little boys who become respectful, kind, considerate men that make society a better place for everyone.

Teach your child (boy or girl) how to handle rejection elegantly. Perhaps, we do a real disservice to our kids by telling them “Anybody that wouldn’t date you or that would turn you down is not good enough for you and it’s clearly her loss because any girl would be really lucky to have you.”

How the heck do you know that? Maybe your little Johnny got turned down because he was being an ass or being creepy. Maybe little Susie just isn’t into him or already has a boyfriend or is into some other guy. Maybe instead of telling our little boys that there must be something wrong with some OTHER person, we change the dialogue to:

“Sometimes, we don’t always get what we want and sometimes a girl may not like you in that way. And that’s ok. Just keep bettering yourself, respect the fact that not everyone is going to want to be your girlfriend – or even your friend – and move along.”

Will this stop sexual assault from occurring? I don’t know. But it may prevent kids from turning into adults that make women afraid, uncomfortable, or feel guilty for turning them down. It may teach men that their ego is never more important than another person’s boundaries. It may teach men that being turned down or rejected is just something that happens in life, it’s not an invitation to be persistent.

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18 comments

  1. It is too easy for women today to lie about sexual harassment and sexual assaults. I do not believe that Ford woman because she quoted TOO MANY LIES HURTING HER SWORN STATEMENT. 8n the first place, why did she not report to the law instead of contacting her Senator? Second, why did she fly to Delaware to write her accusations?. Third, why did she lie about fear of flying? Fourth, why did she lie about putting a second door in he house? She installed that door in 2008, not 2012. The permit stated it was installed for rental. Then, she refused to release her psychology report to Congress. It she was telling the truth, the report would back her up. These accusers are definitely liars. They have now made it difficult for REAL VICTIMS. THE DEMOCRATS HAVE BECOME THE PARTY OF LIARS, VIOLENCE, AND ANTI-AMERICAN.

    • September 27, 2018, Senate Judiciary Hearing, on explaining partying activities during the summer of 1982.
      “I never attended a gathering like the one Dr. Ford describes in her allegation.”
      Distance from the Truth: Both Kavanaugh’s later testimony and his personal calendars detail attending parties throughout the period of the alleged assault, uncannily similar to the one Christine Blasey Ford describes.

      September 23, 2018, Fox News interview, responding to Debbie Ramirez’s New Yorker claim that a drunk Kavanaugh exposed himself to her in a room of people at Yale.
      Not Under Oath: “If such a thing had happened, it would’ve been the talk of campus. The women I knew in college and the men I knew in college said that it’s inconceivable that I could’ve done such a thing.”
      Distance from the Truth: Yale classmate Richard Oh and another anonymous student remember hearing about the incident at the time. Yale roommate James Roche found it entirely plausible that Kavanaugh exposed himself to Ramirez.

      It truly is amazing the amount cognitive dissonance it takes to blame women for their own persecution. Perhaps that’s why 95% of rapists never spend a day behind bars!

    • Well said Betty, I completely agree with everything you said.

    • Why did Kavanaugh lie about drinking? Why did he lie about the drinking age? Why did he lie about boofing? Why did he lie about a devil’s triangle?

  2. Where the Dems are concerned they have lost their credibility… like crying wolf. Many have forgotten about how many of those accusing the Pres on last campaign were found to have been paid off by Gloria Allred’s daughter… maybe we should look closer into allagations on our own since most media is liberal owned. On Wikipedia it spelled out how much money she donated to the DNC, the protests she was involved in and last but not least it listed for her last 3 yrs that she was a liberal radical….. lie to me once maybe but continually lying does not make me want to ruin a persons life because the same liars are protesting. And screamiing nasty posts don’t bother me either. To many proven to be paid by radical groups. I’m 75 and think peopl should use their own brain and not listen to bias news.

    • Hi Linda,
      Good points. You might also want to look into the Koch Brothers and see what kinds of politics they have been contributing to.
      Cheers

  3. Suggestion. Bring in Juanita Broadderick, Paula Jones and Kathleen Willey as experts in this field.

    • II agree. No one cared when they came forward, but this woman is not to be questioned. I am done with this page after reading this ridiculous article. Welcome to spam.

  4. I understand your point about sexual assault typically by a man that is liked and trusted. However, that is not the case with Brett Kavanaugh. Christine Ford and Brett Kavanaugh did not have any type of relationship so if the charges are true, this was a boy taking advantage of a girl he barely knew.
    I grew up around this same time period although slightly older when the drinking age was 18. I attended beer parties while in HS and can tell you that mixing boys, girls and alcohol will lead to sex by some in attendance and initiated by girls as well as boys. The parental and school culture of instructing teenagers to use birth control just exasperates the problem by providing implied consent for sexual behavior.
    My point is that you need to separate solutions to underage vs adult sexual assault solutions even if they have overlapping remedies.

  5. you should read the 5 page report of the lawyer who interogated her under oath. She did not remember whose party it was where it was, how many people were in the room when she was attacked. Did not mention it until amrital counselling in 2003, 20 years after the incident. Asked Feinstein to accept her statement without revealing her name. Feinstein did anyhow, like Linda Tripp. Sha did not remember if she gave any of her therapy notes to the newspaper. Did not return to her friend who she attended the party with, but went home. Did not remember how the person got there that took her home. Quoted 3 friends as witnesses. They all denied any knowledge including her best friend who came with her to the party. NO MAN should be disgraced, or refused any job based on evidence like that.

  6. I, for one, disagree with your opening premise, that we suspect the woman of having an ulterior motive. I see this situation as Dr. Ford being used as a handy pawn in a grander scheme to discredit Judge Kavanaugh. Unscrupulous people have victimized her, possibly for the second time! There have been many theories advanced regarding this situation, which do not need to be restated here. I do not think that women are automatically ascribed ‘ulterior motives,’ though that can certainly be the case.
    This pendulum has not yet swung to equilibrium. We have a long way to go as a society! The remainder of your article is helpful, especially the lessons our children need to learn. Thank you for writing!

  7. Sexual harassment is too serious an issue to give credence to someone who waits 35 years…has no evidence ….no corroboration….vague memory …..and shows that she readily lies on other issues

  8. I’m not quite sure why people continue to question the Kavanaugh response to the charges. Instead everyone says that’s usual. Man says this and woman says that, only beleive what the man says! I can assure you that should actual evidence been brought to light, I would have asked for his withdrawal. But since I totally beleive in the Constitution of The United States, a man or woman accused of anything is not guilty until proven so. It has nothing to do with who said what, it is what evidence do you have. Coming forward some 35 years later and at a specific time is unbelievable. Why not before in the branches as he was rising through the ranks? We all know the answer to that.

  9. Thank you for your article! Very well stated. Unfortunately, all of the responses made me very sad…..
    Give no credence to someone who waited 35 years? Please read and learn more about the psychology of sexual harassment, assault and date rape. Half of the victims of such things NEVER tell.

  10. I agree with your information on teaching our children, but not just boys. I have watched girls do everything they possibly could to get a boy to have sex with them. I disagree with your other statements due to the same reason as others have already stated. The Democrats are noted for making up stuff and don’t care whose lives they ruin. I was a Democrat for most of my life until they changed to avid liberals and making it wrong if it doesn’t involve their kind but will defend their people who do the same or worse. What we need is a political clean-up and politicians be held accountable for their current actions not something they may have or did not do 30 years ago as a teenager. Teenagers are known to do stupid stuff, but deserve an opportunity to be better people as they mature. Its adults who continue to do stupid and immoral acts that need to be tried and held accountable.

  11. I feel so sorry for Dr Ford. She was obviously sexually assaulted at some time – if only she could have remembered when or where it occurred, not just the name of the man she accuses. She was used by the Democratic Party and they should all be ashamed of the cynical use of a woman having an obviously suggested memory. We didn’t hear the answer to so many questions – if you don’t know where it was, how you got there and who else was attending, how can you claim any memory of an incident? As to the ‘protesters’ where did they get their t-shirts? Or their placards – oh, and why were they not at work???? Who took them to Washington? Those harridans screaming in people’s faces shame all women with their hysteria – I wonder how many would be there if it was snowing??? As a final thought – if there were two 17 year old boys in a room with a drunk 15 year old girl (making no suggestion that she should have known better) and they had wanted to rape her, I think they could have don’t you?

  12. Michael Waits,Sr

    Well done on the article…I confess I’ve been resistant or dismissive (in my mind at least; taught not be rude) when these women levy these incredible charges. Have seen in the workplace clear and observable sexual harassment charges that were not true and seen a number of men over the years pay tough consequences that were not fair. Chiefly, I’d always thought these women asking for parents to raise their sons not to rape were asinine; who is teaching their boys to rape? I taught my 3 sons to protect and respect women as fellow human beings. I’ve taught my boys and my 5 girls to share their intimacy with their spouse, not before. But your article presented examples of how to coach boys with the same central theme I subscribe to and still keep being men. I don’t know if Kavanaughs accusers are telling the truth or not. I’d like to know but don’t expect to find out. Thank you for the article….well done.

  13. I disagree that women have been vilified, or that our rights have been diminished, just because this judge was not found to be guilty of a sexual assault. In our country we are all innocent until proven guilty. This did not happen in this case. I agree that we need to tell our sons that rejection is a part of life, and that not all girls will, or have to, like them, but I think we also need to tell our daughters that being straightforward with a boy, or young man, in the beginning, when they become aware of his feelings for them, is the best way to let a boy down. We should NOT tell our daughters, “if he really likes you, he’ll keep trying”, or “he’ll ask you again, don’t worry”. In this day and age, nobody needs to be “delicate”, or “subtle”. What we need is honesty and integrity, not “games that people play”. I also agree that “We need to raise little boys who become respectful, kind, considerate men that make society a better place for everyone.” but we need to do the exact same thing for, and with, our little girls. Women too have to respect, show kindness, be considerate of others, and make society a better place for everyone, and that includes being straightforward, honest, and not playing games with boys, or men’s, feelings. Furthermore, I think all of us, male or female, are responsible for how we handle ourselves. Drinking to the point of drunkenness, to the point of memory loss, to the point of losing control of ourselves, that is bad for both genders. As a mother of two girls, one son, and one stepson, I could not agree more with these ideas. As a woman who has been a victim of harassment, and an attempted violation, I have to say that I certainly would not wait years to speak up. Nor am I ever likely to forget the details of both incidences, where they took place, when, what the aggressor looked like, smelled like, and even what they wore and drove. Both incidences were during the day, one at work and one at home, men I did not know well or at all, and both times I was minding my own, don’t drink, don’t do drugs, and don’t even smoke. So yeah….we have a duty to our children, boys or girls, to raise them well, and give them the courage to defend themselves, speak up, be careful with themselves, and not be “bullied” into a “corner”.

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