The Right Man for You Might be the Wrong Man for Your Kids

When it comes to love and marriage one thing is for sure—there are NO guarantees. This being the case, it should come as no surprise that stepfamilies are becoming the new norm whereas biologically formed families of original mothers and fathers with their children is slowly becoming extinct.

We are now a nation in which the majority of families are divorced, according to The Stepfamily Foundation. Most go on to remarry or form “living together” relationships that often involve children that have no say in the matter. The numbers are in and they are staggering:

According to the US Bureau of Census:

  • 1300 new stepfamilies are forming each day
  • Over 50% of US families are remarried or re-coupled
  • 75% remarry
  • 50% of the 60 million children under the age of 13 are currently living with one biological parent and that parent’s current partner

Children often become new victims of parental separation, even when we do our best to ensure they feel loved and nurtured. So what do you do now that you have found that great guy and you decide to remarry or have a “live together without marriage” arrangement?

How can you be sure that your children will embrace the new life? You can’t, that’s the point. All you can do is make sure you keep your child’s needs in mind when taking steps that will involve them, as well.

Mom and Child: Two Separate Needs

Women often look for love and partnership when identifying a great mate. This is completely normal and understandable. However, when it comes to children, they are in need of a bit more and will require such to grow healthy; physically, mentally and emotionally.

Children tend to need love, guidance and discipline in order to ensure that they become responsible adults that contribute to society. Can you actually answer the question of whether or not you trust your new partner to provide these essential duties for your children? Are you merely in a relationship that makes you feel great but only serves half of your child’s needs? These are the questions to ask prior to making commitments that you might regret later.

All in all, children require love and the committed involvement of the adults in their lives. When you leave one relationship for another, remember that you have more to think of than just your own needs. Keep in mind the needs of your child and then discover your new mate’s ability to satisfy those needs for you both. Keeping these things in mind just might make your “happily ever after” your reality, after all.

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About Audra L.

Audra L. is an author, columnist and community activist who's dedicated to finding truth through research and effective communication. She received her degree in Public Policy and teaches Community Development, Public Speaking and Communications Law to youth throughout the nation. She is the recipient of over 23 awards and honors for her commitment to community outreach initiatives.

3 comments

  1. Well, seeing as the kids biological father is an abusive narcissist, I’m not sure I could do much worse but worry not; I’m not even dating.

  2. Granketha Major

    One thing that I notice about these situations is the child becomes the number target for physical, emotional or sexual abuse. In fact some perverts target single mothers to get access to their children. The mothers tend to drop their guard and the relationships become about how they feel instead of what is best for their kids.

  3. This is spot-on 100%! I’ve never been a stepmom but I have a stepmom. My oldest son had a stepdad who treated him equally as he did when my younger son was born. His family was the same way and that’s something else to keep in mind when considering a commitment to another. Although we separated and eventually divorced, we always kept up a good, positive relationship for our sons. My oldest enlisted in the USMC so he wasn’t around as much but my ex and I did a lot of things together with my younger son. Sadly, he passed away suddenly in 2010. Ironically, my oldest son’s Dad also passed away two years ago, too. There’s so much to consider when dating someone who has kids of their own. This is especially true if he’s a ‘weekend father’ as they often don’t discipline their kids – to be the cool parent. Years ago I dated a guy with a young son and it was VERY difficult to discipline my son when he was letting his brat get away with anything. That didn’t go far and I pretty much decided if I get involved with another man, NO kids – unless they were grown! That was about 35 years ago and I stuck to it. Sadly, another man likely won’t feel as strongly for your kids as you do and this is where you have to be very careful. Know that guy through and through BEFORE leaving him alone with your kids. I read in the news daily how someone kills a child while the mother is working or away. You further read ALL the signs were there that the woman should have noticed but ignored the reality. You and your kids are BETTER off if you don’t get into a relationship when you barely know the guy! Don’t be so desperate!!

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